Journaling

If you knew me in middle or high school, you may remember that I was always journaling. It was a problem. I distinctly remember sitting in the back of Ms Buzzell’s seventh grade math class, writing away, and her taking my journal so that I would concentrate. And then, after class, I furiously journaled about it. I always had some kind of journal with me. A lot of them have been lost. I know there was a period in middle school where I wrote in red spiral bound notebooks, all in cursive– that was what I did while I was on the bus, and it’s why cursive still comes really naturally to me– but I have no idea where any of those journals are anymore.

Still, though, I love going back and reading about old crushes (there were some weird ones), middle school histrionics, problems with friends. I even had a few shared journals, which I passed back and forth between friends. Those were always great. I genuinely miss the shared notebooks.

I didn’t really journal throughout college, which I already regret. I want to be able to go back and read about college parties, papers, weird thoughts. It’s so heartwarming to go read ten year old Jules’ thoughts on Harry Potter or boys. I want to go back and read nineteen or twenty year old Jules’ thoughts on Harry Potter or boys. Especially since there are large parts of college that I already can’t remember, mainly due to blocked out trauma. (Which sounds really dramatic but I swear that’s what happened.)

I’ve tried pretty much every type of journal. I’ve had art journals, bullet journals, line a day journals, motivational quote journals… but generally, I just really enjoy the kind where you just grab a pen and write about your day, or whatever you have to write about. Maybe a list of my top 10 favorite movies, or a list of dream jobs. Blogging is sort of like journaling, and I use my twitter as sort of a journal, but it isn’t the same. That idea that no one is going to read it is really freeing, and you can say whatever you want.

I remember in one of my early journals, I had this epiphany of “I just realized! I can cuss in here!” I think I called someone a B***H. Including the asterisks.

I’ve started journaling again recently. I don’t really know what’s prompted it, except for the fact that my life is kind of in a state of upheaval right now. I’m not good at words out loud, but getting things down in writing really does the trick.

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